In 30 minutes, a good day can be undone....

I need to get out of this house. I need to get out. I can feel the stress level rising here, and everyday, it's something new that I've broken, messed up, or not done. I need to get out of here. Me and Dad haven't butted heads yet, but something is wrong. I don't know what I did, but I feel like there's something that I've missed. Maybe I hurt his feelings or his pride. Maybe I just annoyed him. He's not the only man in my life that's acting strange.

I'm a little confused and hurt right now. I just can't figure out this relationship thing. What I can say and not say, ask and not ask. Maybe I just should avoid situations that require me to ask and say things that might potentially affect things. Every relationship is different, with different boundaries and rules and I just don't know. I just don't know.

I wish I weren't so sensitive and scared. What happened to the I-don't-give-a-dern girl with the attitude? The one who would push her way to the front and demand to be first? Oh yeah, she was a creation of my imagination, someone I wanted to be, but never would. No, the normal Chelsea is right here. The one who needs constant reassurance, promise, and affection because she's so insecure. Thats right. I may ride a motorcylce and pretend to be tough, but I'm not. I'm your typical bookworm, too wrapped up in her romance novels to look up in the real world. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I'm giving up for the night. Maybe the pep-fairy will come tonight and give me some much needed spirit. I just don't feel all the great tonight.

CC