14 Days

14 days and counting until Alex breaks the six month curse. However, I'm not nervous, nor am I walking on eggshells. In fact, I'm pretty confident lately. It's a great feeling.

As you know, I saw Alex last Wednesday and hadn't seen him since. I missed him, but I was trying (note "trying") to give him space for hunting and whatever else it is men do. I admit, it made me sad. But it's all good. Because last night, guess who surprised me at my door in Starkville? Santa...wait, no. That's not it. ALEX. When I opened the door I screamed, because it was this beared stranger with stuff in his arms. But then, I realised that it was my sweetheart, and it was a nice surprise. So, of course, I must recount my darling gifts. He set me up with a metallic hot pink sanyo digital camera (since mine broke on my trip to Colorado), complete with carrying case and memory card, an MSU platter than makes me want to immediately bake some cookies or something, and a lot of Love Spell products from Victoria Secret. So....if you see me running around excitedly taking pictures while passing up brownies while smelling wonderful, well, just go blame Alex. His gift actually fit him! I was so nervous at first, but he said he liked it. Since that's all I have to go off of, I'm going to just say he liked it and that's that.

Tomorrow, THE Collins family (my immediates) are coming over to my apartment for our "Christmas" dinner. Then, Thursday, it's time for the Jenkins family Christmas. My dirty santa gift kicks butt! It's a Paula Dean 9X9 turquoise blue baking dish, two boxes of brownies and four Christmas themed bowls to place the brownies in. Needless to say, I'm so stealing it if someone gets it from me. It's going to be an all out war!

This morning, I have done nothing but watch videos and episodes on hulu and nbc. The Sing Off is such a good show! I wish I could find The Little Mermaid somewhere, but I guess one can only dream for perfection. Anyway, I guess I need to get up and get dressed....or atleast get up! Toodles and Merry Christmas.


Cheslea Collins

Christmas Begins

So...Christmas shopping is done, all except for my dirty santa gift for the "Jenkins" family Christmas. We call it the Jenkins family Christmas, because that's how everyone is related, even though no one has that last name any more. I'd like to name my son after Jenkins, but the poor boy would be destroyed on the playground...anyway....

Alex came to see me Wednesday night. We allllll hung out (Meagan, Cassidy, Alex, and I) but I haven't seen him since. I could have seen him, but he was busy. But he misses me. I don't get how you can miss someone but not want to see them just yet. Weird, huh? But hunting season knocks all natural things out of wack. I'm about to wrap his present....or so I thought. I'm scissorless, and am probably going to have to free hand it. I can't walk or draw a straight line, much less tear it. Should have just bought the bag.

The Collins Family Christmas was yesterday. Aunt Sam brought another boyfriend for us to meet. I think my family has liked him the most, but it doesn't really matter what we think in the end, does it? It's allll up to her. I got a gift card to Barnes and Noble. Whose family knows her well? Mine does, that's right. I actually went to church with my family this morning, and somehow got wrangled into singing in the choir. After church, I got to join in the family lunch I miss EVERY Sunday, and then I went home and watched a movie as everyone else left. Yep, I come home and everyone leaves. Typical---just kidding.

Now, I'm sitting in Starkville next to new roomie, Meagan, and we're just chillaxin.

OH and I got my hair cut!

me and daddy at Christmas 2010

Me and Ethan

Momma and I

Thats all for now. More soon, probably.


Chelsea Leann Collins

Return to Civilization...the Southern kind

I am finally back in my apartment. Only now, it's graced with living room furniture and cute knick nacks. I should be in bed right now, and swear I'm about to go. I just HAD to upload my Colorado pictures tonight. It makes it easier to show the ladies at work...and all my anxious friends! I am so glad to be home. I mean, yeah, I had fun and it was great to see Tiffanie. But I missed Alex, my bed, and dear ole Starkvegas. So here I am at 11:48, configuring a new router so I can have wireless and editing the fire out of some mountain pictures. Here are a few of my favorites...there's over 100, so I can't upload em all here. I'll include a facebook link though :)

Glenwood Canyon

And again...

Me about to go snow tubing. Don't I look legit?

Me and Tiffanie outside of New Castle

The Snow Tubing Mountainside

This is what a snow storm looks like. Kind like fog/thunderstorm, right?

This is the Cathedral Basilica of Immaculate Conception in Denver

In downtown Denver

The Cathedral of IC from far away. It was modeled after an actual cathedral in France!

As you can see, I had a lot of fun. But I wish Alex could have come. It would have been so much better...but anyway, it's time for bed!

Good night and Happy Holidays,
Chelsea Leann

Freezing in Mendenhall

Well, here I am in Mendenhall, freezing my toes off! I'm laying on Bryans couch, with the space heater practically at my face, hoping it will warm up, but frankly, I doubt it. If I knew where the thermastat was, I'd definitely knock it up a notch or two. Tomorrow, I fly out of Jackson at 6:50. I land in Denver at 12 their time, 1 our time. I'm excited, yes. However, I'm already missing Alex terribly. Go ahead, laugh as you will. But you'd think itd be weeks before I saw him again rather than just four days. I wish he were going with me.

I think I messed up his Christmas present. All we can do now is wait and see when he opens it. I am curious as to what he's getting me. I'm pretty pumped though. I know I will love whatever it is, because its from himmm. Really, I like anything he gives me. The orange plastic marking ribbon on my steering wheel is testament to that. I'm a goob, I know. Even though he pushes my buttons like I'm a keyboard, I'm still glad he's mine.

24 days until six months. 15 until Christmas. 5ish days until I see Alex. 14 hours until Colorado. 8 hours until my flight. 30 minutes until I sleep. Just saying.

Good night!
Chelly

Flashback Attack and the Countdown to Six Months.

Well, many of you know that this time last year, I was on the edge of losing my mind, my heart and self-confidence strewn between Kosciusko and Starkville, and my carefully controlled world slipping through my fingers. I was in the hospital after weeks of panic attacks, my grades were dropping, and I was moving out of my house. And now, I sit before you today, a completely different person. On the inside atleast.

On the outside, I'm funny, clumsy, hyper, and ready for whatever you got. On the inside, I think it's safe to say that I'm healed and over it, but I don't think I'll ever be as open and naive as I was. The dreamer's still there inside of me, but there's also the realist standing by with a rubber mallot ready to beat the dreams down. I guess it's a good thing. Because even though it was great to go through life with my heart on my sleeve, confident in my future, a total ray of sunshine...it wasn't all that great when it stopped. Now, even though I still wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm a mostly a piece of sunshine....well I'm not always confident of my future. I try to control it....but I'll never get that control, will I?

Alex said something to me a few months ago about me not being over Justin. Of course, my friends, family, and I know that he's wrong wrong wrong if he means that I still have feelings for him. Because I would never go back to Justin or even see Justin in that light again. There are some things that cannot be undone or forgotten, and even though I've forgiven him, the things that I've read and seen will always be there in the back of my mind. However, I've been thinking. And I guess I've decided that it will be a long time before I get over what happened, what was done, and the affect it had on me. I don't trust as easily. I have paranoid fears. I will not be able to fully give myself, heart and soul, to anyone. I can love someone. That's just part of me. But to love someone so completely that I become blind and fooled? Never again. I will probably never fully enjoy a December again...half was spent in depression and confusion....the other half was spent trying to build another relationship with another guy who would ultimately get bored with me and change his mind a million times.

 

As for Alex and I....well yesterday was 5 months. To the unknowlegable reader, 5 months isn't really that big of a deal. Well, for me, it is. Because this is when things usually start falling apart for me. This is when the irrational arguing and fears start, the walls come back up, the confusion and mistrust explodes. Not just in me---the other person in the relationship had his fair share. So for the next month, I'll probably be walking on egg shells and holding my breathe. Do I think I'll make it to the 6 months and beyond? Yes, I do. How can I say that and still not be totally confident? Well, as I've said before, I've learned not to be confident in other people, because some times they just wake up and change their minds. Do I think Alex will do this? Heck no. He doesn't love me (yet), but I know he cares for me a great deal and won't leave me. This relationship is not the kind that sweeps you off of your feet and makes you feel like you're in a dream. Nope. It's the realest, most solid thing I've ever had.

If I don't get to see him on the weekend, I will be upset. But I will be okay. I can tell him I'm upset, and he can upset back with me. But it's ok. Because we're not going to break up over a small fight. Or even a big fight. I don't have to live in total fear of him dumping me because I state my opinion. Goodness, that is so nice. And that's how it should be. I can't believe I ever was in a relationship where I had to do that. But it's always looking back when we realise these things right?

He calls me because he misses my voice. He talks to me throughout the day. He cuddles with me as we watch a war movie (bleh on war movies!). He pays for my meals. He comes and sees me. He makes me feel beautiful. He accepts that I'm goofy and emotional. He likes ME. The only thing he doesn't do that I wish he would is write on my facebook wall...and that's a little juvenile...I guess.

I get unreasonably jealous at the girls he adds on facebook. They're always skinny and pretty, and as you all know, I'm not skinny. I'm pretty though. On my good days. And he just laughs and says, "And I'm in a relationship on facebook with CHELSEA COLLINS for everyone to see." And you know what? You're dang right he is!

He hasn't met my extended family or my close friends. Only Morgan and some schoolmates. But there's time for that and now that I'm living in Starkville, the oppurtunities will present themselves. I don't know why I'm blabbing on and on. I guess I just needed to vent. Have I mentioned I hate December? Wellllll, I'm off to Colorado in a few days to make some GOOD memories with Tiffanie. And here's the crazy part...

I'm going to miss Alex like crazy. I know that every second I'm in Denver, I will be thinking of him and wondering if he's thinking about me. I like this relationship. A lot. Wish me luck for the next month and beyond! Cause after six months, I'm not really going to know what to expect.

Off to study!!!

Chelsea Leann

I got Cable....and my TV screen went out.

I'm a work as usual, but I thought you needed an update on apartment living. It's all good so far. The other night, it was stormyyy and the tornado sirens were going off. Normal people would have hidden in their closets, pantries, bathrooms. Me? I poked my head out the door, because I didn't know what was going on. And low and behold, my neighbors were sitting on their front porches drinking beer, talkinga bout the probability of a tornado. I think I love where I live. I found out my neighbors were football players (well, one is and one used to be), and they're pretty cool. My apartment was clean for the first few days, but I must admit, its getting slightly messy in the lady-cave.

Alex came to visit Saturday as a surprise :) It was great having him there, because I've been dying to show him my apartment. Monday, Kayla came over for movies and study time. I must say, I'm not sure anything was accomplished.

I finally got cable yesterday! I was so excited. I had to go to class, so when I got back around 9, I sat back, flipped it on, ready to watch something. Anything. Fifteen minutes later, I'm staring at the TV in a stupor. My screen went out. So I turned it off and tried again about thirty minutes later...the TV came on. I quickly changed the inputs, to see if it was cable or the tv. Sadly, it's the TV. Alex offered me the use of his TV...and I'm seriously thinking about taking him up on the offer. What a sweet boyfriend I have.

I finally ordered Alex's Christmas Present. It's....nope not telling on here either, sweetie haha. And I bought Bryan the canvas packs so I can paint him some Bulldogs! Woot Woot!
So, one final down, four to go. One is in a few hours, one is tomorrow night, one is friday afternoon, and one is Monday morning. Then it's work and preparation for my Colorado trip. 10 days! I'm very excited. Well it's back to work time.

Oh, and have I mentioned that I really have the sweetest boyfriend?

Love,
CC