The First of Many

Well, they say you forgive a little at a time. One foot in front of the other. Without motivation, we just trudge along, with all our troubles in an old kit bag, dragging it with us.

But what if there was something or someone that made us want to run, sprint, fly towards that finish line of forgiving others of past minstakes, forgiving ourselves for our insecuirities and eccentricities? Wouldn't you take it? Shouldn't you?

Or should you continue to punish yourself?



Today started off as awful. Early morning, carless, work, yucky short lunch, arguments with the post office, UPS, and Barnes and Noble over the delivery of my nook....some things just shouldn't happen in one day. I admit, I was mostly anxious for five o'clock. When you have something amazing waiting for you and you can't see it until then, it makes the hours tick past slowly. What was this amazing something? Oh...just my first official date with Alex.

Three things I adore about Alex:
1) He manages to be honest, funny, and sweet all in one sentence.
2) He likes me for me..theres no freaking out half the time because my hair isn't perfect or my makeup isn't flawless.
3) This may be shallow, but he's got the most beautiful blue eyes that take my breathe away You guys know I'm a sucker for eyes, but this guy has something special.

We went to Applebees and then hung out with some of his friends. Imagine my clutsy self meeting strangers, trying to think of something to say, but ending up sitting awkwardly on the edge of the couch, trying to figure out how to be involved without actually opening my mouth or moving. The life of Chelsea Leann is a hazardous one with there are nerves....and of course, there are always nerves. I can go head first, straight into something but that doesn't mean I'm not having a nervous breakdown inside. All I can say is, I cannotwait to meet the rest of his friends, because he's a little more relaxed around them.

I'm sitting at home right now, supposedly studying, but have my head in the clouds. It's been so long since I went on a date that I didn't have to beg for, push and pull. It was so genuine- and that's going to be the easiest to get used to, all the while, the hardest to trust in. I know, I'm so paranoid.

But I decied consciously what I guess I subconciously decided when I met Alex. I won't let anything hold me back from trying and being myself. Because this guy makes me happy, and I deserve to be happy, dang it.

Ok, enough gushing about my crazy life. It's bed time. Two tests tomorrow. There will probably be a rant about the stupidity of octagons tomorrow. Just saying.

Au Revoir!
Chelsea Leann