I'm sure you're wondering what that number hanging over the top of this post signifies. According to convertunits.com, it is the approximate amount of seconds that has passed since the split. A lot can happen in 16, 761, 600 seconds, or 194 days...or heck, let's just call it six months!
I don't know when it happened or what caused it. Was it on a smoky dance floor, surrounded by friends and strangers, teaching some gangly cowboy how to do "the ratchet" as my friends looked on with laughter on their faces? Was it the the sun beating on my shoulders, Malibu on my lips, sand between my toes, and waves crashing in the background? Could it have been a stranger offering to buy me coffee at the 929? Was it losing my temper, letting the wind rock me in my hammock, long, late night conversation with Meagan, Amy getting engaged (whooop, whooop!), or my mother's relentless efforts to hook me up with her physical therapist? A part of it could be spending Christmas Eve ice skating with Meagan and being happy, even though it was the first Christmas Eve in four years that you haven't attended with the guy you thought you were going to marry. It could have been day after day, week after week, month after month, of seeing important questions going ignored and waiting by a window for a boy who'd never show. It most likely was going to a New Year's Eve party and seeing a friend get engaged and other friends with their husbands, fiances, and boyfriends.
Close your eyes. Imagine brick walls, wooden floor, club/cafe lighting. Long tables along the wall, chairs pulled close around, some in circles, a band in the background with a barefooted wild child singing with a tambourine. A newly engaged couple dancing on the floor, the girl's head thrown back in laughter with her eyes closed as her fiance spins her around, eyes focused on her, only her, as if she is his lifeline. The girl who usually seems so independent is toasting the New Year and kissing her husband while sitting in his lap with while he pulls her close. Another friend is in the shadows, laughing with a new guy with an easy smile as he flirts with her. Other strangers twirl around the dance floor, kiss, toast, hug; everyone is celebrating this new year, bright with opportunities and a chance to let go. The person you've been holding on to isn't beside you; they didn't care whether you wanted them there or not. As you observe all of the people around you, you make eye contact with someone. They smile.
Hope. Letting go. Moving on. Deciding. Breathing. Dreaming.
Butterflies.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy from here on out. I'm not saying I met my soul mate and was whisked off into the sunset, because I wasn't. This wasn't because of some boy or angry fight. It was all because of love.
They say you don't know what you have until you let it go. I'm saying, you don't know what you were missing until it's staring you in the face. There's nothing wrong with seeing how a guy treats his girl and wanting your guy to treat you like that. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who holds your hand, wants to come with you (no matter where you want to go), and makes you feel special every day, no matter how long you've been together.
No...there's nothing wrong with that.
So, here's to the new year! A year of blog posts, laughter, new experiences, random adventures, and, if the Lord sees fit....love.
See ya next time kiddos,
Chelsea Leann
For your viewing pleasure, some snaps from the past 16, 761, 600 seconds.
0 comments:
Post a Comment